I didn't want to write this letter for so long. In a way, it was my way of dealing with the things that were happening in my life. Not even two weeks have passed since I've made the decision to co-lead this missions trip, and I get a phone call from the states telling me that my grandma, who I am dearly close to, has lung cancer. And she's not even a smoker. As if that wasn't devastating enough, a few days later after her test results come out, I find out that she only has six months left. From that moment on, our family here was busy trying to re-schedule or work out our schedules to plan our trip to the states asap. For me, it happened to be the busiest time of the year in terms of work and church.
I was so angry at God. I was angry first of all because ever since high school there was a conversation between me and God concerning grandma. And this cancer news of grandma really jeopardized my trust in God. Funny that our theme for this year's Heartland missions trip is trusting in God no matter what.
I was also angry because I wanted to devote so much of my time to prepare for Heartland and give Heartland my undivided attention. But there was absolutely nothing I could do to make that happen. Around this time, my parents also got sick out of nowhere so my mind and heart was so heavy. Along with this heavy heart, I had to work 10 to 14 hour days everyday to make up for the times I would be gone to the states. After I came home from work I had to meet up with Sharon to prepare for Heartland. I was so weak and full of complaints towards God for putting me through this chaotic mess. But as if to tease me, our Heartland preparations kept reminding me to trust God no matter what. Trust God? Really? I said. How? I said. It was so hard to do.
I came to a point where I just bit my lip and decided no matter how hard it was for me to trust God right now, I was gonna do it. The things that were happening in my life and the people in it were so dear to me that I couldn't afford to do anything less than God's ways. I gave all of this to my omnipotent Supporter and Father. I let go of everything and gave it up to Him.
Looking back, I don't know how I did it, and it was painful, but I was able to get all of the work done, prepare for heartland, and go on the trip to visit my grandma with lots of blessings and prayers from my church community. My grandma got so much better in terms of her spirit and attitude during the time that I was there. Medically speaking, I hope that God will do a miracle. But also, I have to constantly be reminded that when I put my trust in Him, His ways will always be what is best for me and everyone around me.
Please join me in supporting a cause that is worth our attention. Our theme this year is so important. So important for you who is reading this right now and also so important for those children at Heartland to be taught and reminded of this truth. That the only one to trust with all of our lives is our Lord Jesus Christ. And that no matter what happens we must trust in Him. God has our back.